How many of you out there feel that a Woman’s handbag is her castle? Looking inside that castle needs a GPS system of its own. Organized chaos on a fundamental level. So I wish to provide the men out there with a quick and effective solution on how to navigate the seemingly difficult task.

Before entering into the process of how to navigate a handbag, we must firstly consider why exactly men are entering into the world of the women. We all know that men find women as a walking carry case, hand them your phone, keys and wallet and then you don’t have to be responsible for anything. And this is just how quickly the woman’s handbag can be filled. For this reason, I like to take a small handbag that fits only my personal items in. There is nothing worse than getting a sore neck from carrying around too many things in a handbag. Women already suffer from this without the extra pressure of another phone, keys and wallet.

Most men associate the woman’s handbag as the place of evil. Evil in the sense that anything remotely close to a vagina could be in this spacious creature. And by this I imply tampons or in the words of my housemate: “mouseys”. Men know that these creatures live in the hidden confinements of a handbag and can be travelling in a flock or as a solo solider. Mousey’s can attack at any given time, and men who live with women understand that mousey’s are forever abundant. So why the fear of mousey’s? An age old question. Furthermore, the attack or sighting of such a creature is merely enough to off put the male species for the fraction of second that they don’t think about sex.

Fear number two: Men understand that handbags are by far the most expensive of items. Having the right bag enables you to join an elite group of owners. Bottom line, leather is the best material. (At this point I feel the need to highlight my leather obsession and apologize to the many cows who give up their lives for shoes. I thank these cows for my $300 leather boots, that I purchased in 2006, and have had twice re-heeled. Ye old favourites still can withstand a night on the D-floor with Fit 2 Box.) So, the handbag can begin at $20 and reach upwards of $4000. These astonishing prices can be met with realistic fakes, who devalue the purpose of having a great piece of leather. Men know that these palaces are sacred, and the greasy hands of a mechanic should never enter.

As the intention of this article is to simply guide a man, into the inner treacherous hole of a handbag, it is important to give you some tips. Finding that special object in a handbag is simple. Women are able to complete this task, while driving, washing, cleaning, walking etc. It is all attributed to one theory of search: visualization. When reaching into the dark depths of our handbags, we must visualize the object in which we seek. We must also visualize its feel and texture. And then the search can begin until we find it. For example: when I search for my mobile, I think ‘smooth, plastic, metallic, heavy, round, and about 7cms long and 5mm wide’. Inevitably we are able achieve success.

So there you have it, visualizing the object and ignoring the mousey traps, will lead to your locate your wallet.