Several years I wrote a post about the formation of identity based on geographical location and exposure to experience. It lead me further towards the process of developing my own identity based on experiences before winding up in the ‘Return of Saturn’.
If you are into Astrology, and I would like to reference that I am not a skeptic but I am also not entirely a believer, ‘The Return of Saturn’ is a period in one’s life that has been catergorised as the ‘First Life Crisis’.For most this period happens around the age of 27 and may move into the 30s for some. Re-reading my post, I believe I sourced this information as a 25 year old, it was then when my ‘Return of Saturn’ was allowing me to critically analyse my life as it was.
I am now forward two years of both my post and the period in which I felt that my world was evolving and changing in a way that ultimately led me in the reality that I now exist. At 25, I had been a teacher for four years and I had realized that this is not what I wanted for myself and it was time to leave. I looked at the relationships around me and I assessed exactly whom I was taking with me into the next 10 years of life. For the most part, the last couple of years have seen the most significant changes since I was leaving University.
However personal reflection is not the reasoning behind this post. Lately in my personal life, I find myself repeating almost entirely the same conversation to a variety of different people. I even thought that at some point I really should be charging by the hour. My advice is all centered around the dissociation of being in your late twenties and unsure exactly where you are headed in the next couple of years. In addition, this year has been the quick grab for relationships, with almost all of my friends partnering up.
Left, right and centre, I have been seeing the update of Facebook status’ with relationship declarations. And then don’t even get me started on the engagement and baby announcements. Maybe it is just the ‘season for love’ – a thought that makes my stomach curl.
What is most significant is the amount of damage we do to others and ourselves at such an early age. Heading towards 30 we all have some sort of hang ups from the past that hold us back on looking at the situation with a level head. We overreact because we think that every situation will end the same, although ironically I seem to be finding the exact opposite. Now are we more afraid to commit but we feel the definitive need to find someone and settle down before all the good ones are gone. It only provides for many hours of consultative thought.
The most important thing for us right now is to have made the right choices in our early 20s that allow us to experience success. It is also the point when you realize that some of your dreams, or how you would have predicted your life to look like, have failed. I think this adds to the overall anxiety.
I have learnt a variety of different lessons about relationships, and more so about who I am as a person. I am the black and white. With me there is no grey. It is or it isn’t, and if it isn’t walk away – without comment.
For me the most important thing in my life is being happy and healthy. I believe that we are the only ones in control of our destiny and that I can do anything that I put my mind to. And although my values have evolved over the last couple of years, my focus has remained the same. I want to be successful. And by successful I mean in every part of my life – from relationships to career.
As I have once said before “life is about getting smarter”. You can accumulate as many material possessions as you want, but if you do not have knowledge, you have nothing. It is this development of identity that leads me to think about the type of role model I want to be.
What is clear here is that now is the time. The time to action some of these thoughts that have steered me directionally in the last couple of years. More recently I am thinking about what I want in the future, and what dreams am I willing to sacrifice in order to focus on a new reality.
I know at some point or another we all need to grow up and take on the world as mature adults, but for most of us – this is the hardest thing to actually let go. I admire my girlfriends who have or are pregnant and moving on towards the second stage of their lives with their partners. But honestly the thought of being tied down frightens me. It is also the very reasoning behind the fact I only own two pieces of furniture, a bed and a tall boy.
In further assessment it is only me that believes that being tied down is a state of mind. It doesn’t actually exist unless you want it to. And I guess that for me it is something that I have fixated on for a long period of time. The seriousness of a cat was almost too much commitment for me to handle. So what is it that makes us so afraid?
As summer is approaching and the moods are clearing, I can see a bright future in which we all have. Although I can’t help but feeling a little burnt out by all the relationship troubles of those around me, it makes me think about the fact that at least this part of my life I am getting right. I am very happy and I am very happy knowing that.
I believe that with or without divine intervention, we are in control of our own destiny. That only we are the ones with enough power to influence our very own positive outcomes. As a strong headed, or ‘stubborn’ person – I have had a very clear outline of my wants and needs from a young age. And if you ask my Mother, apparently this stubbornness began at 13. I knew then, like I know now, what I like and what I don’t. And although my lines have broadened somewhat, they are still rested on solid foundations.
As ‘The Return of Saturn’ as passed through my life, I am feeling quite secure with my own personal and professional development at this stage. I have learnt that the most important thing in one’s life is relationships with all of those around you. And that although you might be as forcefully independent as my 13 year old self, you still need the others around you to ensure that you are in fact headed on the right path.
“Evolve do not change.”