Approaching the end of my 20’s I have learnt a great deal of things about relationships. And by relationships I mean all relationships.
I’ve learned two fundamental principles; that some people will give you more than you ask, and that some with take more than they deserve. Consequently by experience I’ve learned not to bother with those who don’t meet your reflection, but to treat them as they do.
As a self confessed thinker my thoughts are often vibrant and contextual. This inevitably allows me to express my conclusions by carefully constructed prose. It is with further clarification of my relationships, that I can reveal to myself the repetitive nature of my conversion. Moreover I am able to develop an understanding into the methodology of my thought practice.
As creatures we all posses differentiated skill sets. That in order to develop a fully functional relationship we must have a Ying and a Yang. It is in this that I admit defeat. I will accept that I can not be more of what I am not, that I must focus on my abilities and accept help when required. Providing myself with an equal partnership of sorts is how I can rationalise my standing amongst my central goals.
First and foremost the success of any relationship boils down to happiness. I have learned that happiness is a state of mind, that you are the only one responsible for your own happiness. It is through happiness within oneself that leads me to believe that in order to be happy in a relationship, you must at first be happy with oneself.
Easier said than done. But is it really that hard? What really makes us happy is the acceptance of the unchangeable and the willingness to produce satisfaction by hard work and determination. And it is disappointing that sometimes we can get so caught up on the failures of the past, that we are unable to see the successes of the future.
My formula is simple; it could be worse. My glass is always half full. Because being half empty is a complete waste of liveable time. Focus on the things that we can control, and ignore the things we can’t. We can control our happiness, we can control our future.
To this effect I focus myself on setting goals. And becoming the person I want to be. And even though I am not religious, in principle many of my morals are drawn from the ‘goodness’ of religion, however this does not overshadow the fact that I ultimately believe in me.
When formulating new relationships I focus on key points; to actively listen and to relate. Possibly what is misinterpreted from me is that I can relate to a person in some way or another, always. It can be seen as competitive but for me I view it is as a development of similarities.
Reflecting on my relationships around me, I have friends that fit into many categories. Those who are the popular self assured type and those who are generally more difficult to get along with. I don’t mind the difficult ones, they often come hand in hand with untold honesty. That you can be real and uncut with them and that they will be the same back to you. However many people find them inappropriate and confrontational.
I’m not one for sugar coating. I will say how I feel regardless of whether or not you want to hear it. I can’t pretend for one moment to be fake, I just can’t. I also expect the same of those around me.
Then there’s the popular friends, the ones that everyone is drawn to by their ultimate charisma. The problem with these people is that you must complete to stay in their ‘SnapChat Bestfriends’ spot. The moment you stop the sooner you are pushed to the bottom of the pile.
In my personal relationship I strive to maintain happiness. That when we come together, the worries of the world are left outside. That we are brutally honest. That we can be disappointed without being angry and that we can trust each other.
Moving forward into 2015, I have made many changes to my immediate circle of friends. Due in part to my realisation that many people simple do not meet the standards of which I expect of a friend. I am looking for those people who are my equals, who express the same views as me and share the same morals and ethics. These people are the people who will answer the phone at your greatest time of need.
For the most part the acceptance that people will move throughout your life, and some will stay and some will go, has taken a long time to settle against my expectations. I believe it is because I tend to give everything to someone until they break my expectations of a worthy character. My point is; how many people do you have in your life that are stealing the oxygen you breathe? Moreover, why do we struggle so hard to keep them around?
I guess the fundamental process of moving forward, can sometimes be hindered by the ties of the past. We hold people close because we feel it is a duty, as opposed to a right. I am honestly more forgiving as a friend, than I have been in relationships, but eventually it all equates to the same thing.
Still, what intrigues me the most is how relationships are formed. How is it that some people you bond with immediately and others you just understand from the get go, that they’ll never be that friend. Moreover, what makes us drawn to some people and not to others?
Ultimately this repetitive nature of friendships will undoubtedly replay throughout the course of my life. I commit myself to looking for and keeping those who share the same ideological foundations. I additionally hold myself to the same expectations. After all, life means nothing if you do not develop complex relationships with the people around you.
“Define yourself by the people who share your light.”